not your average ordinary

The answer is never obvious. Even the question isn’t always clear.

Sometimes the revelation is one deeper.

Let me give you an example. For years, I thought I was afraid of heights. I once hiked to the top of a very large hill, with a cliff overlooking the ocean. As I climbed higher, I started to get vertigo, or something strange like it, like every cell in my body was raging against the tiny trail and my proximity to the edge and how far down it was. But oddly, the higher I climbed, the freer I felt. So I looked further, and discovered that it wasn’t the height I was afraid of, but falling from heights. And even further: it’s not falling I’m afraid of, it’s breaking at the impact of the fall, the pain, the possible end of everything. And so I had to face not a fear of heights, but a much deeper fear.

I do this exercise often, every time I come up again a fear or hesitation or when I’m looking at what might be holding me back. I do it when I’m trying to understand what I want, what I really want. Because it’s never about the money or success — those thing don’t drive me. It’s always about something deeper, more tender, more raw.

So I keep going deeper. Another step, another level down, chipping away at what layers I must to see the truth of it.

My friend Soshy and I were chatting on the phone yesterday as I drove home from Pennsylvania. Last year, she had a baby, a super sweet little girl name Rosie, who is both a blessing and a challenge (as all babies are to sleep deprived parents). Soshy has spent the past few months adjusting to being a mama and trying to catch up on sleep and told me that she’s ready to dive back into her business again. She needed advice.

If you had told me four years ago, I would be dispensing business advice to people, I would have laughed. But I was only starting out then and had very little idea that my freelance work would turn into a business. It was supposed to be just me, wild and free and making money in a slightly less traditional way. Yet, here I am with a business and a team and a whole wealth of knowledge I’ve gathered from past experiences, wise mentors, and friends.

Soshy had two problems. First, she wasn’t sure what to focus on — getting clients or the backend of the business? We may be reluctant to put ourselves out there, but when you’re getting a business going, you need to focus on getting clients. Your clients keep your business running. We talked about different ways for her to do this and I gave her some homework.

The second problem was much juicier, in my opinion. Soshy works with people who want to change unwanted eating habits and transform their body image issues. She is brilliant at what she does. Doing this work, potential clients often ask her about weight loss. Soshy’s past response has been to tell these people that weight loss isn’t what she does.

Except it is. It so is.

Here’s the thing (and I know this having been through my own eating and body image issues): If you don’t heal the source, you’ll never fix the symptoms.

I gained and lost weight repeatedly over a stretch of years until I finally took the time to work on the issues that were hidden beneath the few extra pounds. And I’m still working on it. But I was done with the wins and losses of weight loss, because I knew that as long as I was at war with myself, there would always be a loser. So I do the work.

It’s true everywhere, not just with regards to eating, body image issues, and weight loss. It’s true in business and relationships and friendships and hobbies. I could give you examples and tell you stories, but in the end it comes down to doing the work, to ending the fight, to healing the source.

If you’re curious to learn more about what Soshy does, check out her website, Embody Nutrition.