No. 9

Beacons

You are amazing.

You may not know it, but you inspire people. Every day.

Never dumb down your awesomeness because you think others may not be able to handle it.

Never stop being exactly the marvelous person you are.

I had a conversation with someone I met in Portland about intimidation. He mentioned he once spoke with a beautiful woman who was complaining that she always seemed to scare off guys when she mentioned that she co-owned the biggest night club in the city with her father. He advised her to tell the men she dated that she “did paperwork” at the club and not mention her co-owner status.

Why? Why should a successful, talented, smart woman have to dumb down what she does to keep a guy?

She shouldn’t. Frankly, if a man can’t handle it, if he’s intimidated, that’s his problem, not hers.

This has happened to me too: I’ve been told I intimidate guys. I’ve been given advice that I shouldn’t talk about my projects or aspirations, that I should keep what I do simple and straightforward. I don’t believe in doing this.

I believe in being strong and successful, as well as flirty and feminine. I think women can have anything we want to have, that we can do everything we dream of. We can be little stones that make big ripples in the world.

Am I intimidating? I hope so. I don’t want to wear a mask. I believe in being myself and sharing who I am and trusting that I will meet a man who can deal with it.

So be a beacon. Shine. Don’t hide your light because you’re afraid it’s too bright.

Trust that the right person is out there who not only will be drawn to you but who will love that you shine so brightly.

{image by alonis, licensed under Creative Commons}

About brandi

Brandi is a digital strategist, website developer, and founder of Alchemy+Aim, a company that helps entrepreneurs and business owners elevate their online presence and enhance their digital experience. Her academic background in theatre, philosophy and physics was the perfect foundation for launching her business, where she’s worked with Brené Brown, Laverne Cox, Judy Smith, and other notable thought leaders since 2013. She is an advocate for using technology in ways that humanize, connect and serve people as well as for asking deeper philosophical questions and teaching others to think more broadly about impact when they create, particularly in STEAM fields.

20 thoughts on “Beacons

  1. Friggin LOVE this. I had a very similar conversation with my boyfriend but it went the other way. I don’t usually talk about my writing or blogging because I don’t think other people understand, which I think is valid. I think some people hear “blogging” and imagine 40-something men who play video games. I don’t need negative energy in my life so I don’t mention it because I think I’m afraid that people will look down on me for it. But I’m slowly coming to terms with the fact that people will only think those things if I am not confident in my abilities and my work. If I’m too scared to tell people what I love to do then what does that say about my aspirations or abilities???

  2. I can’t believe someone would advise you not to talk about your work and passions in this day and age. Seriously?! If a guy doesn’t find brains sexy, you’re clearly waaay out of his league!

  3. Don’t buy it. It is really sexist double speak, IMO. There is no point in playing small. If a someone is so fragile they can’t handle a woman with a life…then they can’t handle a relationship. IMO, part of the great thing about being relationship is being inspired by one another, pushing each other to reach your {individual and couple} goals and encouraging one other be as awesome as possible. You are awesome and you really don’t deserve anyone less than awesome.

  4. I understand that women can be intimidating and some try to be. But doesn’t that speak volumes about the other person’s confidence? As my dad once told me – Don’t worry about what other people think. Just worry about yourself and whether you’ll be happy

  5. Who told you to not tell anyone about your projects?!!!! I want to hit them. No, really I do. That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard! I think what guys want (not that it really matters, but oh well) is an independent woman with interests and goals. That way they’re not always clinging on to their man because they have no life of their own. Men like women with their own lives because they want their own lives as well.

  6. I couldn’t agree more. It’s important to never tone down accomplishments- they are a part of us and such a source of pride! The right guy will be hooked, not intimidated!

  7. HEAR HEAR! I will not dumb down my enthusiasm, my mouth, my occasional vulgarity, but willingness to be silly or my wants in life just to keep a person around. It’s surprising to me how many people stick around (some of which even fight to stay in my life) and so I figure I’m doing something right. I will apologize when I have offended someone or have done something wrong, but change who I am or dull it down? Where’s the fun in that. That’s like eating alright, almost in season berries when you can eat local, bursting with flavor berries. Why would you do that? Someone out there will love my enthusiasm and may even have a boat load of his own, and we’ll mutually intimidate each other and giggle about it after we’re married. Why hide the shine?

  8. Men are so silly… They do and say the dumbest things! That happens all the time with all kinds of situations… It has been happening a lot to me on the job hunt and then add to that the Latin machismo.

    Just keep on going and never give up… Other peoples silliness is frustrating but more frustrating it is to not be the best you can be

  9. You are so amazing and inspiring, Brandi! I completely agree with you because how will we ever find the man who is best for us if the first impression we are giving is not honest?

  10. Brandi, these words are exactly what I need right now–a reminder to be myself and as strong as I can be. I’m not intimidating, not by a long shot, but I hope some of my dreams are–and that I remember to go after them when they seem hard to reach. And it’s an eloquent reminder, at that.

    So thank you.

  11. What a beautiful and strong sentiment. These words are what every woman should read and hold as her mantra. There is a beautiful quote that encapsulates this sentiment by Marianne Williamson, Our Deepest Fear. Really powerful. Thank you for lifting us up today, Brandi.

  12. Pingback: But We Will Stay

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Credits

Jane Reaction

(logo and original branding) is a graphic design and art director who works with with small businesses and creative entrepreneurs, creating cohesive and interesting brands and websites.

Carrie Coleman

(photography) is a wedding photographer, whose goal is to capture the visual expression of a couple's love through timeless, organic images. She is based in Charlottesville, Virginia.