No. 21

Filling Up

On Saturday night, I made dinner for two gorgeous friends I don’t get to see nearly enough. While catching up, one was talking about an opportunity that has recently come her way, one she desperately wants to seize. She knows she would be successful in the new role. But what I found funny was one particular thing she said: “I don’t mean to sound conceited, but I know [possible new employer] will like me.” Well, obviously. My friend is awesome. I adore her. Why wouldn’t everyone else? And I don’t think she was being conceited at all for staying so.

I’ve always worried about being vain and conceited, so much so that I’ve said awful things to myself to keep me small, things like “I’m not pretty,” “I’m not smart,” “I’m not good enough…” I’ve never wanted to be ‘full of myself.’ But here’s the thing: if I’m not full of myself, who (or what) will I be full of? How long have I spent looking to fill the emptiness, when I should have just been filling myself up with me all along?

The key, I think, to not being vain and conceited while still being full of yourself is remembering to let all that is wonderful about you overflow and transform to help others. Owning your awesomeness will help others own theirs too.

So, what do you say to leaving worries about vanity and conceit in the dust and driving off into self-worth, pleasure, and all the other good things that go with them?

{photo found here, surrounded by a language I can’t read}

About brandi

Brandi is a digital strategist, website developer, and founder of Alchemy+Aim, a company that helps entrepreneurs and business owners elevate their online presence and enhance their digital experience. Her academic background in theatre, philosophy and physics was the perfect foundation for launching her business, where she’s worked with Brené Brown, Laverne Cox, Judy Smith, and other notable thought leaders since 2013. She is an advocate for using technology in ways that humanize, connect and serve people as well as for asking deeper philosophical questions and teaching others to think more broadly about impact when they create, particularly in STEAM fields.

12 thoughts on “Filling Up

  1. I love that she knows her employer will love her. That self-confidence will take her far in life. We all have individual worth and those who understand that make better decisions because they are coming from a place of excitement, not fear.

  2. I love it & totally agree! Once when I was in college I made a list of everything I loved about myself in an attempt to cheer myself up. I came across the list post college when I was a bit down on life & it made me feel incredible. Now that I think about it, I should make another list because positive will always trump the negative things we often tell ourselves!

  3. This is probably what I needed to read. I couldn’t have agreed more.

    If I can’t tell myself that it’s okay to be myself and ooze self-confidence, then what is it that I am filled with? Shame? Fear?

    I take back the first sentence.
    I really needed to read this.

    Thank you for always being an inspiration, Brandi!

    1. You’re welcome, Michelle! That means so much to me — and you, particularly, I can’t wait to see where you go and all the amazing things you accomplish.

  4. I try to live my life by “love your neighbor as yourself.” At some point in my life, I heard a speaker point out loving your neighbor that way requires loving yourself. That thought changes everything–I wish I could just remember it all the time!

  5. we all sabotage ourselves at some point… we have to be careful not to do it when a great opportunity comes along {like when you’re with a guy you really like… duh!}… haha!!! best example I could think of!

  6. I say, if you have the self-doubt and voice your concern about it, most likely you don’t have an inflated sense of self worth. I’m currently reading “Women Don’t Ask” and it’s a really interesting look into how women value themselves in the work place – check it out if you get the chance

  7. You are a beautiful person in every way Brandi! Thank you for being you :)

    PS I think the biggest difference in being confident as apposed to conceited is that you not only think you are beautiful, but that everyone is beautiful too.

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Credits

Jane Reaction

(logo and original branding) is a graphic design and art director who works with with small businesses and creative entrepreneurs, creating cohesive and interesting brands and websites.

Carrie Coleman

(photography) is a wedding photographer, whose goal is to capture the visual expression of a couple's love through timeless, organic images. She is based in Charlottesville, Virginia.