Discovery

The light is warm and inviting. During the day, there is sunlight that floods the room. At night it is warm and comfortable.

The room is filled with your favorite books, the right furniture, a kitchen, a soft bed, everything you need. It would be easy to spend all your days here — and indeed you have, comforted by the familiarity of the space.

Until one day, in tracing the lines of the walls, your fingers find a crack in the wall that reveals itself to be a door. You lean into it, and it opens into a hallway, elaborate and large. You don’t even stop to grab a flashlight.

There is artwork lining walls, a greenhouse flooded with sun, a ballroom with tall chandeliers. Beyond those, more rooms, some dark, some light, some empty, some filled with treasures.

And you realize that you’ve been living in this mansion all along, but only in one room.


That’s where I found myself this week, realizing that I had been living in one room of myself.

For the sake of metaphors, we’ll call it the Study. It’s where all the logical workings of business and finance and life have been happening for me. And while it has its own wonders, it’s become stifling and small. I’ve outgrown it.

The depth of who I am is much more daring and expansive. There are rooms I still have not discovered. But there is light and comfort, there is the seduction of candlelight and captivating scent of foreign flowers, there is darkness and wonder and mystery. There are hidden passageways and forgotten places waiting to be discovered. And even though I know it all, I am exploring and running the halls, laughing.

Where are you living?

Looking Forward…and Back

I remember the days when blogging consumed my life regularly.

It had all started in a rather roundabout way, as I had hoped to flirt (albeit VERY indirectly) with a guy I worked with. My assumption is that surely he would read my posts, be taken by me, and declare his undying love. In reality, the guy was a player and I was a fun game in his book. I moved on.

Like many others, blogging was a way to connect with friends and have a place to share the cool stuff I found or speak my mind. Then it became something bigger — a way of connecting with new people, getting to know them and allowing them to know me. That is still the best reason I blogged.

Then I lost it. The blogosphere grew exponentially fast, and I felt like one more voice in an ocean of voices. The way people were connecting changed, and in some places, high school-esque cliques seemed to form. So I stopped. I didn’t want to worry about producing content for the day, or forcing myself to attend festivals and events I didn’t want to go to, just to grab new photos. I wanted to live my life fully for myself.

And that’s precisely what I’ve done for the past two years? three years? I’m not even sure anymore.

Blogging has become like theatre for me – a dull aching inside me, feeling as if something is missing but unsure what the pangs are most of the time. I miss being on stage. I miss writing. I miss connecting with my audience, whether they’re in plush red velvet seats or sitting at home on the sofa with a cup of coffee.

I’m not entirely sure what this new phase will be, but I’m going deep this time. I’m not holding back. Let’s begin…

Mercury Retrograde

Sometimes, everything is chaos.

That’s the way it’s been for weeks now. Since Mercury started retrograding, but even a bit before that.

I travelled to Scotland, spent a night watching old pagan rights reenacted for modern times with big bonfires, drove winding roads that hugged lochs, camped in the cold rain. I went where the world pushed me. And when I returned, too much waited for me: work projects and to-do lists, long hours that passed too quickly with a heavy heart.

I could tell something was off with my cat Marty when I arrived home, and in the past few weeks, he’s gotten weaker and skinnier. I’ve cancelled plans to care for him, because when all is said and done, I can’t imagine a better way to spend my time than loving him. And right now, he’s holding on still, but some days, I’m overwhelmed. My heart is just breaking.

When so much is uncertain, you have no choice but to live in the moment. That’s where I’ve been.

But with Mercury spinning backwards across the sky, I’ve found myself in another place, one where I’m haunted by the past and the future. I feel the weight of where I’m going. It’s as if all the past threads and current threads of my life are finally converging to show me the bigger picture, except it still isn’t clear. But there are changes that need to be made — changes in my business, changes in this blog, changes in how I live my life.

There are more questions than answers, but we have to start somewhere, don’t we?

Inspiration vs. Perspiration

At my mastermind retreat last week (the reason I was MIA from my blog), I had several conversations with fellow business owners about content schedules. Many of them — and many of my clients as well — create content calendars for their blogs and newsletters weeks or even months in advance.

I was being hard on myself at that moment. I mean, I missed both of my blog posts last week because I hadn’t properly scheduled my time around this retreat. Frankly, I was overwhelmed and something had to give.

Several times in the past, I tried to create lists of blog topics and schedules of what I would write when. The problem for me is that it seems so unnatural.

Writing for me is about inspiration first, perspiration second.

I can’t commit to a calendar where I write posts on ‘The Top 5 Things You Need to Know to Do Something” on Tuesdays and share recent projects on Thursdays, or anything like that. It feels disingenuous. I would rather share with you what’s happening in my life at the moment I’m writing. I would prefer to be honest with you about what’s working and what isn’t, rather than “creating” content.

I want it to come from my heart, not my head.

That’s not to say the head stuff isn’t good, or that perspiration isn’t good. Once I have the idea, it’s that perspiration part that makes it happen. I value that push. I just happen to love pushing even more when something resonates with me, when it comes from a deeper place.

So I don’t think you should choose between inspiration and perspiration, but recognize how one can lead to the other and how much more exciting it is when that happens. That’s why I’m blogging what I know, what I want to share, and hope that you connect.

Credits

Jane Reaction

(logo and original branding) is a graphic design and art director who works with with small businesses and creative entrepreneurs, creating cohesive and interesting brands and websites.

Carrie Coleman

(photography) is a wedding photographer, whose goal is to capture the visual expression of a couple's love through timeless, organic images. She is based in Charlottesville, Virginia.